Lectured at a college, recently, and the students had a hard time grasping the difference between (a) not thinking about yourself and your accomplishments in a negative way, and (b) thinking in an overpositive, egomaniacal, Pollyannish way. They couldn't see (or I wasn't conveying well) the middle ground - an objective viewpoint that pays proper respect to one's talents and achievements.
Negativity is one of the three main fear-derived behaviors which, when combined with panic, causes procrastination. It is thus a serious problem which all activists, artists and other ambitious dreamers must work to overcome.
More below the fold...
Adapted from The Lifelong Activist:
"Negativists 'skew to negative,' tending to see themselves, their accomplishments, and everyone and everything around them, as less good, or much worse, than they actually are...The negativist’s harshest judgments and criticisms tend to fall, not surprisingly, on herself. That's a serious problem, as harsh self-judgments are disabling.
"Another problem: negativity is isolating. Negativists often believe they appear “realistic,” “pragmatic,” or “hard-headed,” but colleagues with a healthy world-view recognize negativity for what it is—a sign of insecurity and a disabling force—and flee from it. When that happens, it often deepens the person's insecurities and reinforces her tendency toward negativity and isolation, so the problem compounds itself.
"As a coach, I frequently get to witness negativity at close range. The most talented and accomplished individuals often see themselves as failures, and drag a heavy burden of shame along wherever they go. Many of my students put themselves down in big and small ways as a matter of course. Their conversations are peppered with expressions that undervalue their achievements, such as, “It’s not such a big deal,” or, “I didn’t really do that much,” or “Anyone could have done that.” Some are so divorced from their strengths, skills, talents and accomplishments that I have to conduct the psychological equivalent of an archeological dig to extract all of this positive information from them and help them build a resume or personal history statement reflecting their accomplishments.
"A truly adept negativist can even turn even a stellar accomplishment into a failure. One day, I asked a student who had an MBA which school he had gotten it from, and he replied Northwestern University’s Kellogg School of Management. That's a top school, so I congratulated him. His negativist response: 'Oh, it’s only the third or fourth best school.'"
The solution to negative thinking is to consciously reprogram your thoughts to be more objective. Many people - including the students at my presentation - hear that instruction and panic because they automatically interpret "objective" to mean "over-positive, bragging, Pollyanish." To which I respond:
- Objectivity is not bragging: it's truth. It may feel like bragging, initially, if you've been skewing to negative, but practice it for a while and you'll see the difference. This is also an area where mentors can really help. Successful people from all backgrounds and in all walks of life know how to take proper pride in their skills and accomplishments.
- There is a difference between the internal dialogue you have with yourself and the outside dialog you have with others. When talking to yourself, feel free to compliment yourself like crazy - it does no harm, and will help build your self esteem. (Praise yourself the way a kind and benevolent parent lavishes praise on a child.) When talking about yourself and your accomplishments with others, however, you can be more circumspect.
- I’m also not talking about disabling your critical faculties or setting low expectations for yourself. I’m talking about being an objective or, if you prefer, truthful observer and evaluator of yourself, your work, and the context you find yourself in. And also about being realistic about the difficulty of the task you set for yourself. To admit, for instance, that you didn't do a job well because it was a difficult job to start with and your personal circumstances at the time were also difficult and affected your ability to focus is not a cop-out: it's the truth. At this point, guilt, shame, remorse, etc., are a pure waste of time: the only response to "failure" is to learn from it, make amends where needed, and move on.
When I ask you to stop being negative, I am asking you to stop indulging in a self-sabotaging habit that impresses no one. Being objective about yourself and your achievements is also in keeping with Rules for Radicals author Saul Alinsky's instruction that an activist’s primary duty is to, “see the world as it is.” Todd Gitlin puts a different twist on the advice in his book Letters to a Young Activist: "When you act politically, act playfully, too . . . Just because you let the dark side of the world into your nervous system doesn’t mean that you have to surrender to gloom, which in any case is never as justified as it thinks.” Both Alinsky and Gitlin are talking about valuing the "outer" world objectively, but you are part of that world, and the easiest way to empower yourself to effect real social change is to value yourself, your skills, and your achievements as objectively as possible.
Crossposted at www.lifelongactivist.com. SusanG's review of The Lifelong Activist can be found here.